Anyone got a joke to tell.

Sad News

With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment,
it is worth reflecting on the death last week of a very important person,
which almost went unnoticed.
Larry LaPrise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Pokey" died peacefully at
the age of 93.
The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin.
They put his left leg in, and then the trouble started.

Im glad you liked it mryoyo,but the question was have you got any jokes to tell,not what you think of them.Thank you for your input.

Thank you Cazzabee,i knew that,just trying to open ones for leinster,thats all couldnt think of anything else.It looked sad with 0 replies on it.Thanks again.
777

Thank you chuckrea.

Two boys are playing hurling in a Waterford park, when one is attacked by a Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy takes his hurl, wedges it down the dogs collar and twists, breaking the dogs neck.
A local newspaper reporter who was strolling by sees the incident, and rushes over to interview the boy.

"Young Waterford Fan Saves Friend From Vicious Animal," he starts writing in his notebook.
"But I'm not a Waterford fan," the little hero replied.

"Sorry, since we are in Waterford, I just assumed you were." said the reporter and starts again.
"Little Wexford Fan Rescues Friend From Horrific Attack," he continued writing in his notebook.

"I'm not a Wexford fan either," the boy said.
"I assumed you were a Wexford fan given your friend is wearing a Wexford Jersey, What team do you support?" the reporter asked.
"I'm a Kilkenny fan." the child said smiling.

The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes,
"Little Kilkenny Rogue Kills Beloved Family Pet."

They were great tyler888,and you tabletop.Thanks.Anymore from anybody?

Thank you doiteain,they were great,any more,from anybody.

I ended up with an older woman at a club last night.
She looked okay for a 50-year-old.
We drank a bit, and a had a bit of a snog and she asked if I'd ever had a Sportsman's Double.
"What's that?" I asked.
"It's a mother and daughter threesome," she said.
I said, "No."
We drank a bit more, then she said that tonight was my lucky night. I went back to her place.
She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs: "Mum, you still awake?

A guy comes home from work, sits down in his favorite chair and yells to his wife "honey, quick bring me a beer before it starts".
She runs to the kitchen gets a beer from the fridge and brings it to him.
He chugs it down in one gulp and yells "Quick bring me another beer before it starts".
She gets another beer from the fridge and brings it to him.
He polishes it off in one gulp and yells "Quick bring me a beer before it starts".
She says "who do you think you are....."
He says "never mind it's started already".

Three men were hiking through a forest when they came upon a large
raging violent river.

Needing to get on the other side, the first man prayed, God, please
give me the strength to cross the river.Poof!

God gave him big arms and strong legs and he was able to swim across
in about 2 hours, having almost drowned twice.

After witnessing that, the second man prayed, God, please give me
strength and the tools to cross the river.Poof!

God gave him a rowboat and strong arms and strong legs and he was
able to row across in about an hour after almost capsizing once.

Seeing what happened to the first two men, the third man prayed,
please give me the strength, the tools and the intelligence to cross this
river.

Poof! He was turned into a woman. She checked the map, hiked one
hundred yards up stream and walked across the bridge.

GO AHEAD! SEND THIS TO A WOMAN WHO NEEDS A GOOD LAUGH.

Ma was in the kitchen fiddling around when she hollers out....
"Pa, you need to go out and fix the outhouse!"

Pa replies, "There ain't nuthin wrong with the outhouse."

Ma yells back, "Yes there is; now git out there and fix it."

So.......Pa mosies out to the outhouse, looks around and yells back,
"Ma There ain't nuthin wrong with the outhouse! "

Ma replies, "Stick yur head in the hole!"

Pa yells back, "I ain't stickin my head in that hole!"

Ma says, "Ya have to stick yur head in the hole to see what to fix."

So with that, Pa sticks his head in the hole, looks around and yells
back,"Ma - There ain't nuthin wrong with this outhouse!"

Ma hollers back, "Now take your head out of the hole!"

Pa proceeds to pull his head out of the hole, and then starts yelling,
"Ma - Help! My beard is stuck in the cracks in the toilet seat!"

To which Ma replies, "Hurts, don't it?"

Dwarf shortage!